I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
what day is it and did you see me today?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
