I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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