Barsexuality is the new black.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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