Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
