you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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