You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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