Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
