Just mADE A PArabola og urine
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
