I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
