i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
