girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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