I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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