I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
