i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
vagina is talking i cant
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
