Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
God, I missed his penis.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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