Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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