i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize