I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
