at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
