I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
