Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
