Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
