I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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