I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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