maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
