dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
