I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize