i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
