If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
