why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
