Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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