Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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