Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
