This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
