Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize