You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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