people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
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