it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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