This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
