you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
