Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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