i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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