my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
