You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just blew my weed a kiss
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
