It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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