Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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