Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
