this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
