How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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