Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You dont lie about slip and slides
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
