My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
