Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
