dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
