well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
