The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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