I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
