apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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