I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
