I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
