He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
