I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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