alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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