and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
