Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
