tell your sister to shave her snatch
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize