I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize