he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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