Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
