I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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