I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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