I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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