toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
