Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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