Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
