you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
